When major exams are around the corner, the atmosphere of the days leading to it and the day itself don’t seem to kick into me as if it’s just another day.
Same thing when the PS3 was released, a new shopping complex/district less than an hour away by train being open or more recently, the release of the iPhone. The excitement of wanting those aren’t there. Jokes don’t even seem funny too.
It could be because I haven’t been happy for a long time like:
- When was the last time I go further than the 50km radius of where I live? (more than 3 months)
- What countries/cities have I not been to? (a lot)
- When was the last time I was paid to do something? (never, or was below my monthly allowance which itself is 50 times lower than a office worker’s monthly salary)
- Most exciting thing that has happened recently? (nothing)
- Receive the best grade for a test? (don’t remember: they are mostly in the 45-65% range)
- Went out with a close friend? (More than half a year ago: the last straw was when he grabbed the money that was to buy the PSP from me out in the public to make me promise something)
- Engage a conversation longer than 5 minutes to anyone? (Nobody, not even my own family)
- Actually answer a phone call? (A long time ago…. so long that I don’t see the point of having a mobile phone)
- Remember any events involved? (I don’t even remember what happened yesterday…, it already full with stuff that are not related with each other like visual arts & computer programming, drawing & business studies, preparing food & transport to get around, science/maths & a foreign language, music/animation & tolerating things I don’t like, a CD & a lightbulb, news on some guy breaking a world record & a hamster, and many more….)
- Have enough cash to break reliance on parents and live on my own, far away from them at a decent place? (not enough)
That list is not even all of it. There are many things left unfulfilled.
Here’s a random video: