Disorientated Feelings (Part 45)

(Author’s note: Mentioned in “Alternate Dimension Part 82” are 4 children in the family. Only the second eldest child is a boy, while the rest are girls. This part is describing the eldest daughter, 1st child, about how good she is that she could do exams that are above her current grade quite well. From the mother’s point of view of course.)

Me: “My what?”

Seems that my own ears is preventing me from hearing a particular word of what the teacher said. It only happens when a gender-specific term about my first two children, whose gender even I don’t know, is being talked about or shown. Don’t know why myself, and neither can I do anything about it. I can’t ask someone to help cure something only me in the whole world experiences and there isn’t any medical evidence that proves that I’m suffering from it except suggestions that I may be mentally unstable, which I’m not. It’s a mystery as to what caused it, as I could see my two youngest daughters perfectly normal at the same time. Although the reason why I could see them is because my husband gave birth to them, not me.

I’m now speaking to one of the primary school teachers of my first child now with Itsuki for a parent-teacher meeting. The child in question is supposedly here with me. Saeko and the others are not with us.

Teacher: “Your-“

The audio seemed to have been cut off temporarily as the teacher seem to be continuing on talking. Itsuki kept pointing to an empty chair near nearby while looking at me. I seem to have difficulty looking at for some reason. It’s as if there is like a spirit over there, but the aura being that of my child. I know I sounded like I was talking about a ghost, but that’s the only way I could sense their presence. I feel bad for ignoring them, but I really can’t see them as my body doesn’t want my mind to know their gender, which, at their current ages, the gender differences is becoming bigger.

Teacher: “It would be great if your… (silence) …attends a specialised school or skip some grades. If some time later that your child proves that they are better than the grade the child would have skipped to, your child could enter middle school already despite the child’s age. For social reasons, I would usually say not to do this, but your (silence) seems to have the ability to study at higher levels and might not get along well with people who aren’t at the same knowledge level as your child.”

In my mind, I have always been thinking that the first child is a boy and, the second, a girl. Whether someone has been trying to correct me on this, I could simply be unaware of it as my body doesn’t want me to know about it.

Me: “Well, it’s better to be adored by older people of the same level than being bullied by people of the same age for being too smart. I don’t know… It seems like a big decision to make.”

This is a clear sign that my child has inherited knowledge from me. I knew something was odd when the child was oddly well behaved as an infant and, according to Saeko, they never ever cried for me or my husband when we are away for a long time.

When Hatsuya modified my body as a baby, were they aware that they were modifying the behaviour of my future children too? I think so: they can’t change the way I think, but, being a female, they can modify my reproductive organs in a way that the children I produce would think the way they wanted. I don’t know if the two daughters my husband gave birth to has the same thing.

I just want to have a normal life without all of this abnormalities, but my life has been abnormal since Hatsuya turned me into a girl from a boy, which wouldn’t have happened if my mother didn’t give birth to me during her high school days.

Actually, I don’t know if I’m happier to be living as a girl as I didn’t know I was born a boy until after my first child was born. Nothing except the alternating patterns of my sibling’s genders, and my body doing things on its own when I don’t know what to do at times, gave me any hint. I thought that last one was normal since it has been happening for as long I could remember, but now I know that my body is being controlled out of my own will. Ever since Hatsuya became aware that I knew about it, they stopped doing it. I don’t know how different my life could have been.

Speaking of my family having more females than males, here’s something potentially worrying: compared with last year, this year’s census showed that the population of males has decreased and, at the same time, the population of females has increased to making up to slightly more than half. You would simply think that more girls are being born by just hearing that, but if you look closely at the figures, you would notice that the amount of the sudden increase of the number of females between 12 and 25 is exactly the same as the number of the sudden decrease of males above 40 and women above 80. Being an ageing population where there are more old people than the young, this change is quite noticeable. No changes in population figures were reported outside the affected age groups. The people in the affected age group, but remained unchanged, are mostly married couples living together and have children.

In other words, elderly people and middle-aged men were replaced by teenage girls over the past year. Nobody was able to explain the sudden change of population. The government suspected that the affected people became teenage girls, but there’s a huge problem: while interviewing the first school they know that had a large jump of non first year female students, none of the girls could remember of ever being a middle-aged man or an elderly woman last year, and in fact had strong evidence that they are girls long before the dramatic population change. After going to various places that have these people, they all seemed to have the same thing being repeated, and eventually gave up. Nobody knew who were the people that suddenly vanished, nobody knew why this is happening, and even the teenagers themselves don’t even know who appeared out of the blue, or even know if they themselves were one of them. Obviously, the numbers don’t match, but it is impossible to find out who exactly. I asked Saeko on her opinion about this.

Saeko: “You’re right. The number of aged people had disappeared suddenly, which seems to have been replaced by young ladies. Everyone is able to remember that there were more men than women, but for these old people who had became a young women with no memories of who they previously were, complete with evidence that they had always been a girl, is interesting. Separating them from those who were actually girls before it happened is impossible. Somebody turned them into young girls, brainwashes them into thinking that they had always been that way, along with anyone and anything into making it look like they were actually born one and be a daughter of somebody. If that were to happen to me, I would actually be thinking that I am someone else and be scared if someone were to suddenly said that I was an old man just yesterday as I have no memories of being an old man and the only memories I have are ( seemingly real) memories of growing up as a girl since birth. Of course the groups of people I know could be completely different from before, and their memories are modified too to keep in sync with the changes to me so that I don’t notice anything odd with myself. They are so heavily physically modified and mentally brainwashed, with nothing left of their former selves, that it’s impossible to turn them back. Even if we have a clear idea of who or what to turn them back to, they wouldn’t be willing to because we are turning them into someone different and older from what they think they always had been. Also on our end, we don’t have any technology that could change a person’s age or gender except turning people of any age and gender into young girls, which is kind of useless as they are already young girls. Even that machine can’t change a person’s memory or how they think.”
 
Saeko thought quite hard for a while on what to say next. The sudden increase of teenage girls means that places that had empty seats and empty classrooms were suddenly full, along with more young women, who also appeared out of nowhere, to meet the changes. An example is the increase of young female teachers in that period. Some boys appear to have been mixed around so that you can’t tell which were the girls that suddenly appeared, though this also means that the number of girls in each class is now more than the number of boys as there was no change of the number of boys. Existing girls from before the mysterious population imbalance? Well, they are likely to have remain unchanged like the teenage boys, except that you can’t tell the difference with them and the girls those who appeared suddenly.

Saeko: “I suspect that a lot of things were changed, not just the people. This is so that they would fit in perfectly. So perfect that I have no idea who they were or if our own family has one of these people like other families. Even the people affected don’t even know they were one themselves. I’m afraid that even I don’t know how or why it happened, or who is behind it, or if it would happen again. At this point, I don’t know how to turn them back at such massive scale. Since they think they are someone else now, having them to turn back even if we found out who they were is like forcing them against their will and we can’t revert the changes that were made to this world that had them to be able to blend in as it’s quite complex to figure out with possibilities that may contain missing elements. I would need to check with the time viewer, but in situations like this, it’s possible that the past has also been changed, though that theory conflicts with how the government still has the old population data. People were also aware that there were more men than women last year, with noticeable amount of the elderly population.”

Saeko appeared to have some idea, but didn’t say anything. Probably not wanting to make acquisitions without the evidence. If you ask me, I’m aware of something similar by Hatsuya Research and Mizuho Academy, but not on a massive scale as this, not leaving exceptions behind, have the change go unnoticed until someone conducts a census, and ensuring that the world doesn’t go into a chaos at the same time. One person is complex enough, but fixing everyone is an impossible task, especially when there are so many unknowns. Except for boys’ schools, schools that had been established for less than a year or two suddenly had second and third years making up of only females. In co-ed schools, now having its student population to have more females than males, more classrooms were created if they had the space for it, and boys were shuffled around in a way that each class has the same number of boys. That meant that you are likely to see more girls than boys as the amount of boys per class is now only about 22%, compared to 66% before.

Well, the decline of the male gender isn’t really that worrying as males can make multiple women pregnant at the same time to make up for it. The only worry is if the opposite were to happen as it would put too much pressure on the woman as they, which would be the minority, are the only ones who could create a child. If the male gender were to have disappeared, and the human race being made up of only females, this could be a big question mark as everyone can create their own child, but have nothing to start the process.

For these two extremes, Hatsuya had developed ways to solve this: turning men into women capable of becoming pregnant, and woman being able to become pregnant without involving males with stem cells form anyone, including themselves. I though the people behind it were crazy at first as they had used me as their first human subject, but it now seems to become something that helps prevents the extinction of the human race. The problem is that they are unable to change how a person thinks, can’t successfully turn females into males, and the chances of a child being born a male via the stem cell method would be 0%.

Disorientated Feelings (Part 44)

To confirm that I don’t need to see my husband to keep my sanity, which has not happened recently, they isolated me away from them. I could bring anything I wanted in that time except images of him, including those on electronic devices. To further remove the possibility of seeing my children and Saeko being also counted as seeing my husband due to them also having looking somewhat like him, their photos too. Since there’s a chance that my children would visit my parent’s place, I can’t live there too. I have nothing but my memories to remember what they look like.

At the same time, Hatsuya Research has modified Saeko’s breasts into providing breast milk with exactly the same properties as Yuko’s so that the newborn baby could still be breastfed by Saeko should my husband want to turn back into a man. My husband gave the reason for turning back as “it’s more fun to keep being transformed into a woman than staying as a woman”. It wasn’t long ago that my husband used to hate it, but I guess having to go through it as frequent as like doing daily chores like brushing your teeth makes you love it. Well, you have to in order to be positive at work. He has been hoping to get posted out of Mizuho, but being informally the person in charge there (form being the only one who is assigned to wear a supervisor uniform while colleagues wear normal ones, that doesn’t seem likely.

Sure women are attractive things, but being one myself means that I have to worry a lot about my appearance and helplessly give in to actions from men. It’s like society has made females the passive gender as they are simply mostly on the receiving end: receiving flowers, engagement, being attracted by, and so on.

From a man’s perspective, seeing a beautiful woman doing things (even normal ones) would make them lost in thought and gets attracted to her. The problem with this? I’m the woman in question, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I always get stares from ugly men because my own body is attracting their attention without me intentionally doing it on my part. My breast gets stared at more than the rest of my body by men, even more than my face. The sad part is that I can’t hide the shape of it or make it flat, no matter what I wear over it. If I’m wearing a skirt, my legs are the next part of me they would look at. It’s like these parts of me attract men more than my own face. Come to think of it, because girls don’t grow much in body height, voice hardly changes since childhood unlike men, and the playful-like behaviour, women appear to be like children who never grew up.

Blouses are the only type of clothes I could perfectly fit in as it takes the shape of the breast into consideration and fit nicely with my body, especially the parts of my body below the breast. I guess, in terms of what one could always feel from their body, which indirectly affects thoughts and behaviour, being a girl is better than a guy, and would like looking at oneself a lot. Despite me saying how male-like my mind is, I can’t seem to bring myself to wear any male clothes at all. When I wear a skirt, it feels like I’m not wearing anything around there even though I appear to be wearing it. It’s like shorts, but somebody got lazy with the area between the two legs, and it’s somewhat magical in a sense that it doesn’t come off even when pulled down as my hips act as a natural hook that prevents that from happening.

Did I say that I don’t like looking at myself despite people saying how beautiful I am? That’s because I have a guy’s mind, and for a guy to see a girl as themselves is hard to believe.

I don’t mind inviting people to my house, but it would be embarrassing if they find out that I don’t cook or do household chores. I’m a pretty bad example of a mother to my children, but I don’t care about that as Saeko takes care of the house and my children. To save the trouble of explaining to others what she is, I just said that she’s my husband’s sister. Although, with her physical age stuck at around 16, it’s getting harder to convince them with that reason. I don’t know how to explain when the time comes where my children appear to be about the same age as her. Saeko’s actual age is supposed to be the same as my husband.

Speaking of my children, my children, scarily enough, never gave me problems that other people commonly have with theirs, and even as infants, they are oddly well behaved even though I never actually taught them anything. I’m a bad example of a mother, but I don’t like children either. I only had them only because my body made them who, sadly, would be replacing me when I die. Actually, I wanted only a child, but because I was the very first person resulting from one of Hatsuya’s “experiments” (I didn’t know about it until later on) to have successfully given birth to a child, they want me to have another to see if my body is able to have another. Before I knew it, I was producing children for experiment, though currently not as much as the number of siblings I have. My children reaching the age of adolescence seemed shorter than me reaching the same years ago, even though the time for a moment to pass now and then never changed.

I don’t want to admit it, but I have a feeling that at the same time my body has been modified, it also caused any of the children I would have to not cause me trouble and inherit my knowledge (which itself was forced into my poor mind, but probably natural to them) among other things. I’m afraid that it could spread to my grandchildren too, and so on. Eventually, after centuries, a lot of people would have genes that would be traced back to me and their unnatural behavior of being well-mannered and smart without even being taught anything as if inherited. It’s almost as if they are clones of their parents, but lack experience to know what to do with the inherited knowledge, though they might also know what to do with it. Of course, they each have their own personalities.

The teachers of my first two children, one in primary school and the other in kindergarten, had told me that they have the behaviour and knowledge of someone older. No actual test was done to investigate what they actually know, but the teachers noted that they completed exams quickly and scored full marks on top of that, which says a lot on how easy the test is to them. What’s even more shocking is that they knew about things from before they are born described from my point of view, including how I first met their father.

Neither me nor Itsuki had told them about it. How do they know? Are they copies of me?

Part 43 | Part 45

Disoriented Feelings (Part 43)

It has been about a year since I had injected the solution made from some bits of me. Sure enough, my husband did become pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby girl with no abnormalities. Since the presence of anything genetically male during the child’s development being completely absent, it’s not possible for the child to be a boy at all.

This is my first child I could see with my own eyes: the children I gave birth too seemed to have gender-specific things appear censored to me for some odd reason, so I don’t know if I have any sons. Now, I could actually know the name of the newborn child. Yuko (name of my husband in his female form) could see this child too. It would be a strange scene of two women having a child that resembles the both of them with no adult males involved. In this case, the mother of the child is the one who gave birth to it, which is my husband. It’s can get confusing because the husband and wife (me) are each both a mother and father at the same time, but seemingly normal if you put it in terms of the more general parent and child.

During the child’s development, Yuko seemed sad that she became pregnant, but appeared to have been expecting it to happen for quite a while. Yuko seem to have known she could become pregnant any time as the Mizuho uniform made her completely female and only has the uniform that would protect her from being raped, but the uniform itself keeps making the wearer strongly aroused on a regular basis on top of having to behave as if there’s nothing wrong, though you could tell from their body behaviour that appears as if needing the toilet urgently, but having no intention to go there (If this happened within Mizuho campus, it would be more obvious). It would appear strange if Mizuho girls talk to each other when this happens to all of them at the same time, but yet make no mention of it at all despite being so obvious.

Yuko: “Okay, you forced me to become pregnant, and made me give birth to this child. You said that this pregnancy would be cancelled if I turned back into a guy during that stage, but I remained a pregnant woman even after removing the uniform that time. Now that I already suffered through all the crazy things to give birth to this child, can I turn back to be a man again?”

She appeared unsure if she wanted to be turned back into a man: she has lived long enough as a woman to get used to it, but has conflicting thoughts of which is better. Yuko said that there are no real differences between the two, apart from feminine feelings being more sensitive in both senses and emotionally. Not having dated anyone besides my current husband before being married, I never used my femininity to attract anyone as I simply fell in love with the very first guy that fell on top of me back in high school and couldn’t stop thinking of him to the point I went crazy if I stopped seeing him.

Kenji: “To be honest, I really don’t know as there aren’t much people in the same situation as you, and among that few, all had decided to permanently remain a woman. It could happen only after your breasts stops producing milk for this baby you just gave birth to before your body reverts back to the pre-pregnancy state, which could take a few years. However, since the baby is born from you, only your breast milk contains the right amount of nutrients the newborn needs to grow up properly that commercial products, or other mother’s breast milk can’t provide. This includes your wife, as her body didn’t develop that child.”

Yuko seemed a bit surprised on the idea that her own breasts could generate something that could be drunk. Yes, that’s what the female breasts are for. Other than that, it’s nothing more than weights that can’t come off: I can die if something wrong were to happen to them, though, it never actually bothered me most of the time.

Kenji: “Oh, since you have spent more time as a woman than as a man since you started working at Mizuho, which itself is more than a decade ago now I believe, along with your children used to seeing you as one too, I think it doesn’t matter at this point in your life if you could ever become a man again, as I observed that your wife’s illness of needing to see you as a male to keep her sanity is mostly gone, and doesn’t seem to treat you any different now than as a man, apart from a minor natural feeling of jealousy of you being prettier than her. She seems to be able to see the girl you gave birth to, though she still can’t see the ones born from her. On top of that, she doesn’t seem to go crazy from not seeing you as your male self since the first child was born.”

I have this feeling that me and my family could be experimental subject of the second phase of his project, if there is one.

Disoriented Feelings (Part 42)

Quite some amount of time has passed since I found out about the big secret about me that even I didn’t know about. My relationship with my children hasn’t really changed since then, but the atmosphere with Itsuki does. I don’t know if we are a married couple, or a group of friends hanging out together. I’m confused, especially when the family appears to be made up of three women, some children, but no men. Dig further and you would find out that those three women were previously men, but the children did come from one of them.

Since then, I see gender differences as nothing more than the role played in making an offspring. Nothing more. Studying science since young, I know about this, but I never thought that it applies to me too, though it does help to be knowledgeable about my feelings and not let it take over me. I don’t like wearing gender-specific clothes, but being a woman, the shape of my bust is permanently visible no matter what I wear. I don’t like it, but my life would be in danger if something wrong happens to these annoying things. Also, I may have longer life expectancy than men, but I could die if something wrong happens during childbirth. Having experienced those a few times, I could say that it’s insanely painful. It seem like a sad fate by mother nature that females are designed to give birth to their offspring, and can’t do anything about it on her own if  a male makes her pregnant.

I was at my workplace when the receptionist told me that somebody from headquarters wanted to see me personally at one of the rooms that I know are vacant with nobody likely to visit it at this time. She didn’t say who it was other than them having a position higher than me. Who could it be? What did I do?

…It was my uncle of all people.

Me: “What are you doing here? You know that the people who worked here are happy with me more than the previous people.”

Kenji: “Ah, no it’s not about that at all. Well, I noticed that you have entered Mizuho Academy and, based on your behaviour since then, you have found out that you were born a boy. I know, I know, you are confused. Well, I can assure you that you have been biologically completely female since after your gender was changed at that event years ago that your husband might have described to you about, and gave birth to children but…”

Me: “Can you get to your point?”

Kenji: “You have been aware that your husband wears this particular uniform that turns him into a woman, right? Well, you can’t see the children born from you, right?”

How is my husband becoming a woman, and me not able to see my children related?

Kenji: “Well, I am suggesting to you to have another child by making Itsuki pregnant while in his female form. We don’t know if he would permanently become female, having the pregnancy being cancelled if he removes the uniform, or still remain pregnant even after turning back into male. For the second possibility, we don’t know if it would resume if he puts it back on.”

Huh? Me making Itsuki pregnant?

Kenji: “The urgency is because of the population decline from lack of births. Studies shows that by having the population to be two-thirds female or more, instead of the current of less than half, is the solution to this. Men can make a woman pregnant and easily move on to another almost instantly, but a woman could only become pregnant for eight months at a time, just for one child. We have no control over this duration. This explains the need to have more women than men, so more children could be made at the same time. At the current situation, we need to change laws, and turn about half of the male population into females. Priority would be given to the males who don’t mind becoming female, the inter-sexed, and people who had already gone through gender reassignment surgery. Because the method used, it can change the body completely. So the disabled, those suffering from health problems, the elderly who “want to become young again”, and those who want to “restart their life” can be included should there not be enough too. The amazing part of this is that people with disabilities like amputated limbs would find it growing back. We are also checking that, should the male population somehow become extinct, that women could still have a child using stem cells. The drawback to this is that since all traces of being male are erased, they could never become a male again, though they can produce a male child. However, “

Sometimes I wonder if he has a fetish of turning men into women or treats woman like a baby-making machine, but it’s true that the population is declining, and there are currently more men than women. Also, the child born from my husband would be confused that Itsuki is the mother, but its siblings would say that I’m their mother instead. Me being the mother of these children, and father of the other, and the opposite for my husband, with the only similarity that they are both our children and have both of our genes.

Me: “Er, how do you expect me to be able to do that? I’m a woman myself… and you just said that people like me can’t become a man.”

Kenji: “Well, we just need both the blood during your period, and that sticky substance your body releases only when your arousal level is quite high. We would turn it into something that can make your husband pregnant.”

I kind of know what he’s talking about.

Me: “Does my husband know about this?”

Kenji: “About making him bare a child? No. It’s fun to see people’s reaction when forced to do something.”

I could foresee a lot of confusion taking place.

Part 41 | Part 43

Disoriented Feelings (Part 41)

Since I am quite close to Saeko’s company, I could drop by there to ask for help, but the level of rivalry of Powell staff with Hatsuya is so great that the former would refuse to corporate with the latter. Me wearing an outfit with Hatsuya’s logo on it being glaringly obvious and not knowing how to take it off kind of rules out heading there for help. They probably don’t even give me a chance to explain myself.

Either way, I contacted Saeko to see if she’s not busy. From the voices I heard in the background, Saeko seemed glad to use me as an excuse to get out of the situation she was in at the time I called her, though Saeko didn’t say what she was doing at that time. Oddly, she said not to tell my husband about it yet.

When she saw me, she knew immediately knew that I had went to Mizuho and my discomfort with the clothes I couldn’t take off. Apparently, I was wearing the rarely-seen Hatsuya Research uniform that non-Mizuho based staff would wear, which has a separate version. The adjustments that my principal did to all Mizuho girls was not reflected on Saeko as she wasn’t there today.

Saeko: “I can see that you had been Mizuho just as I suspected… I wasn’t able to warn you about this earlier because you had never been in there before, but Yuko and I were suffering with the strange happenings that nobody is able to talk about or be able to take action to stop it.”

You are indirectly saying that it is normal?! From your tone of voice, it seems that you two never liked it despite having being there for so long. I even wonder how students who had studied there, or branches of companies located there, produced among the best performance in the world?

Saeko: “As for your clothes, to be able to take it off, you would need to first find a place where no one could see you. Could be anywhere, as long as it’s outside Mizuho. Also, you should make sure that nobody knows that you are changing at that spot. I would like to help you on the places you could change at, but if I knew where you are changing, it wouldn’t work. Your body should return back to normal if you managed to change out of it, but probably not your clothes from before you enter if it’s your first time. I think you know about the clothes that I never wore, or the places that I own. Well, I’m in the middle of something, so I have to go now. You can now talk to Itsuki if you have more questions if you have something to ask about.”

So that’s why the principal saying to wear the clothes I care about the least, because I can’t get it back. Saeko is hinting to change at any one of her houses she owns. The house I currently live in is co-owned with me and my husband, but Saeko reimbursed the money I spent on it and my car.

Saeko is rich from being the founder of one of the largest research companies around, and an important research subject of Hatsuya, but not willingly. She receives money a lot quicker than she could spend, even after giving it away to people or spending it on a lot of expensive things. She has to spend it in a way that won’t attract attention, including helping people.

Anyway, the key and passes I have with me now would point me to choose which one of the houses Saeko owns I should go to. The nearest has its entrance inside her office at Powell, and the other close her parents’ house. The former being out of the question as I don’t have access to that. I’m not sure about the latter as it’s one of the more frequent places she goes to, but might not go there knowing my situation. Other houses are at unfamiliar places or are out of the way for me to head to.

Except for a small number that I know of, all of her properties looks big and high-class. It appears that Saeko herself does not know how many properties she has as she had unexpectedly inherited them, including her wealth and the Powell institute, from her other self in an another dimension. My husband doesn’t own them, but being biologically identical as Saeko (besides gender differences) means that he could easily fool the security system that uses thumbprint or eye scan as they think that my husband is Saeko. If it weren’t for me, my husband could easily invade Saeko’s privacy despite the security measures.

*****

So, after changing out of one of the most troublesome-to-remove and strangest outfit I’ve ever worn, I headed home where my children are waiting for me. It was the strangest experience ever.

Itsuki: “You’re back. Where did you…”

I brought him away from my children so that they can’t hear our conversation.

Me: “I had just been told that I was originally born a boy, and all these years you and Saeko knew about it but didn’t tell me?! After all these years of me living as a woman?”

Itsuki: “Well, I was thinking about telling you, but I didn’t want you to kill yourself over it. Especially after seeing a video from an alternate past where you were attacked and had your eyes removed, and were killed by a train because you can’t see. Also, you managed gave birth to our children a few times.”

I really feel like punching him in the face, but I held back: he does not have any involvement with it. Being told that I was born a boy after living many years as a girl seem to have come out of nowhere, and make me go “you’re kidding, right?” as the male features on me seemed non-existent. However, this news came from people who are not likely to lie to me, and explains the mysteries about my family. My parents, siblings, and myself only exist because of a long-term science experiment, with the irony that I would take over the very person and company that did this to me, though that is only because I am his only suitable relative to take over without resorting to outsiders and has nothing to do with being a test subject.

Me: “Sorry. It’s just that I just got too obsessed of keeping a professional image that my stress level got built up.”

My life is not to be played around with, but it already had from the very beginning in ways that could have been completely different if it didn’t happen. Even my own parents were irresponsible and had me while they were still in high school, but I can’t control when I would be born, or who my parents are. I just want a normal life… I’ve been forced to love Itsuki since I first met him by making me feel that I actually like him until I look back and realize how strange for me to fall in love with someone that I wasn’t interested with and unable to live without him. I tried to live away from him, but not seeing him for too long has made me insane. It’s one of those things where even I don’t understand my own behavior.

It’s for this reason, and the children I had with him, that I can’t divorce him no matter how angry I may be at him. I’ve been told that this was a result of a curse on me that I had since sometime before I was in kindergarten. My whole life seems nothing but a joke. I just don’t want to repeat it for my children from their point of view.

Looking on the positive side, at least I’m still alive and there are people who really care about me.

Part 40 | Part 42

Disoriented Feelings (Part 40)

Me: “Is there a way to tell how stressed Saeko is if she can’t express it emotionally?”

Principal: “Well, one way to tell is from her actions or the number of things she has to cope with sententiously. You can ask her yourself, of course, but you should be careful about the timing that you do it. Since she respects you the most and relied upon for emotional support, she might approach you herself while not in a good mood. Another way to tell is to check her system status, which is the most accurate, but hard to access without Saeko herself being aware of it even though she has no control over it. Do you have other questions? I might not remember everything I’m supposed to tell you since it has been a few decades.”

About Seko or Mizuho Academy… that I can ask someone else later. Oh, there’s one thing that has been bothering me.

Me: “You said that I have children that I gave birth to, right? But why do I find it had to see them or have gender-specific terms that refer to them appear censored to me? I could only sense their presence, but Itsuki and Saeko could see them normally. There isn’t a problem with other people’s children. So far, no one but Saeko could understand my problem. I don’t know if it’s related.”

I find it odd that I even have this strange illness to begin with. It’s not that I don’t care about them, it’s just that I find it hard to see them.

Principal: “Oh, I forgot about that. Well, it’s hard to see what it’s like form your point of view, but based on your behaviour, we could tell that it has been bothering you of being able to maintain a good family relationship. We are thinking that it could be related to you being completely genetically turned into a girl from a boy, and this being one of the few oddness that doesn’t show up until a long time afterwards. It’s like a part of you not accepting that your body is able to give birth to your children, a subconscious part of you that had developed as a male even though most of your mind, and your entire body is female.”

I am subconsciously denying that I even have children? How come I wasn’t aware of it myself? No wonder that there’s even confusion with my own mind. No wonder it felt as if my body was on auto-pilot when I came across a problem I don’t really understand. I knew that there was something odd about me doing so well academically.

Principal: “It might have also made you think that something is wrong with your body, even though there’s nothing wrong with it. This was triggered because that subconsciousness was thinking that your body was abnormal for a boy, but it never thought that you are a girl instead. Either way, this is one of those small things that would only have the result be known after many years. Since there are slight changes to the machine, newer test subjects might have different result. Your youngest sibling, Kuniko, doesn’t even show a hint that she was a boy and in every aspect, mentally, visually, and biologically, very much like a girl. But the earlier one with, Kousei, behave very much like a girl even though he has been turned into a boy. You too, but the mental issue has not been perfected yet back then. We also didn’t anticipate his mental condition to become so bad either. That’s why I said that male to female changes are more successful than female to male. The one used in Mizuho currently is the same as the one used on Kuniko, though the physical characteristics are based on Saeko instead.”

No wonder everyone, including myself, have the same measurements as Saeko that it’s almost creepy. Not only did Hatsuya change my gender, they also made my mother give birth to more of my siblings and change them too? I feel outraged. No wonder I felt as if there is something more when I gave birth to my first child, because I wasn’t originally born to be able to do that and have it to work flawlessly was something big. Turns out that it’s a major scientific breakthrough that they had waited decades to happen, with me being the subject in question.

Principal: “We could change the average characteristics of a Mizuho girl and have it appear immediately by just a centralised control system. Since we are both in Mizuho uniform, those changes also reflect on our bodies too. If we were to increase the size of…”

Suddenly, it felt as if my blouse was getting uncomfortably tighter even though it’s not shrinking or I never grew… wait a minute…

Principal: “…the breasts, it would be reflected on everyone inside the campus. Sadly, the uniform measurements to meet the changes of body specifications applies only on re-entering, on top of not being able to remove or opening up the clothes. I could make them so big that nobody could get up. Other settings like behaviour, body height, and so on could be adjusted with this thing, but it’s designed in such a way that nobody is exempted for not wearing any type of Mizuho uniform on entering, not even the people behind it.”

The blouse is so tight now that it feels like the buttons around my breast should have ripped open by now, but the physics-defying rule of not being to take it off prevented that from happening, but I feel very uncomfortable. Breasts are the most annoying things my body that are a hindrance to me being able to move, but it’s sadly part of my body that I could neither control, hide, nor get rid of.

Me: “So, why are you people doing this for? Why is this thing not known to the…”

Professor: “I don’t want to ruin your weekend, so you can go now. Saeko and your husband are not here today. If you become the director of Hatsuya before we next meet, I would like to say an advanced congratulations.”

He pushed me out hurriedly and closed the door at my face. The sound of a door being locked was heard shortly afterwards. I’m puzzled as to why he did that abruptly.

Me: “Er, what about…”

Principal: “There is an entrance to the subway at the ground floor. It look like an ordinary apartment unit from the outside until you notice that the name holder ends with the word station.”

I wanted to ask him to restore the size of my breast and to ask how to take off the Mizuho uniform. I don’t know if he would get into trouble if he told me more, and he oddly mentioned about me becoming the next director of Hatsuya, which no one before him mentioned.

Sure enough, there’s a door leading to the very same train station I used to get here, but via an obscure entrance. At the station, the direct entrance to the apartment looked like it would lead to a staff-only area, and easy to miss if not paid attention to. It’s the only subway system I’ve been to that has obscure entrances and exits that doesn’t look like a station entrance from the outside.

There aren’t any roads in this massive campus except to the car parks in the business area that leads from the outside, so the only way to get around is by train. Although there appears to be a driver controlling the train, I’ve seen the train slowing down, doors opening, without her doing anything. Her uniform looked very much like that of customer service ones, and doesn’t wear a hat that I usually see train station staff wear at all.

Now that I think of it, every single person in Mizuho is a young woman, with males completely absent. Knowing my husband, they could look just like any other women here. Being used to an environment where women make up for only 40% or less, and being a woman myself, I feel at ease that there aren’t any men who could grope me, but the complete absence of them, and women taking over roles that I usually only see men do, is something I’m not used to.

Since the uniform that everyone could only wear is made up of a blouse, skirt, with high heels, and towards formal in appearance, it’s even stranger to see women in office uniform doing construction and maintenance work around the campus. Oh, and except for students, nobody is seen running or riding a bicycle around the campus. The increase of breast size that the professor did earlier, could be seen with everyone. Except for those who entered since he did it a few minutes ago, I could also see that their blouses are of a tight fit that could break open any time around the breasts, with an odd sense that they don’t mind feeling discomfort about it as if it’s a normal thing and used to it.

This place has everyone to be equal, literally. What a strange place. Now I could see what Saeko and my husband went through when they come here. They came here in the first place because they were made to, not on their own free will.

Also, the buildings here are extremely big and are no shorter than 25 stories, and the oldest building were built no earlier than the 1990s. In some buildings, it’s possible to walk through a multiple long series of corridors and elevators without heading out, though some are linked to neighbouring buildings. (Though I never needed them, I noticed the lack of toilets too.) The technology used here seemed far advanced that the outside. My husband had told me that some of the “new” technology that just came out in the market has been in used in Mizuho for years, though some other departments of Hatsuya Research, besides the one that developed it, would us it somewhere in between.

I’m about to leave Mizuho to think about what the principal had just told me, and the there’s the exit right there. You would think that stepping out would have me to turn back to what I was before entering, but I remained unchanged, and neither could I remove my formal-looking outfit that has a Hatsuya logo on it. Since the principal never told me, I have to ask my husband. He still hasn’t ease my discomfort he created.

Disorientated Feelings (Part 39)

The principal looked at me quite uneasily. He seemed as if he wanted to say something to me, but stop short of saying anything.

Me: “You said my mum would have 6 children back then, but there’s only 5 now. Did I have an older brother?”

Principal: “Well, your mother was getting exhausted from being made pregnant and giving birth for 6 straight years after the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th child. We determined that she has lost the willpower to have another, so we let her have a break and had the 5th as the final one. You noticed that, in that video, there was a male child, but you recalled that they said that the baby was the first child. You also noted that, including you, there are only 5 children in the family, and you didn’t have an older brother. Well, that baby was… er…”

Me: “What happened to him? He died before I was born?”

After quite a number of hesitation, he picked up the confidence to say it.

Principal: “That baby didn’t die… you were that baby.”

That sent me a moment of disbelief. The principal is not the type who would tell a joke about a person, but the logic from what I’ve learnt and experience doesn’t seem right. There’s no way I could have been born a boy…

For one thing, I clearly remembered giving birth to my children, something only real females are able to do. Next, the only thing I know that could do that is the Mizuho uniform only for as long as its worn, which I recall, prior to today, I never ever worn one or had any type that does the same thing. However, I saw the male thing of that baby completely changed into its female counterpart like it has always been that way.

Principal: “I know you are in a state of disbelief since you lived as a girl for as long as you can remember, your body grew like one, and even give birth to children. I was in the same team with your uncle in this project. Your mother had signed a contract to let us to conduct experiments on her children, which includes you. The 2nd and 3rd generation Mizuho uniforms are simply a subset and temporary-use version of the one that was used, but it seems that female-to-male change conducted on your second youngest sibling was not as successful as the opposite and was abandoned. You saw with your husband on how his body is completely female while wearing his work uniform and his usual male desire to disturb Saeko completely absent. The same thing was done to only 2 of your youngest siblings, with some improvements, and male students from here who are willing to make it permanent. Or rather, as a result of them developing female mentality from not being able to take off the uniform since entrance ceremony all the way to graduation and had developed a love relationship with an another guy. Being a teenage girl at that time, they have developed feelings and ways of thinking that are specific only to females that they couldn’t stand living back as a male after graduation. Other reasons is that most of the elites have the Mizuho certificate and is the most recognized among companies. However for males to graduate from what people see as a girls’ academy, using that certificate without becoming female is likely to be rejected by companies. They are also given Mihara Academy ones, which is an affiliate school, as having a certificate they could use without changing, but the chances are not as great since they are competing with everyone else with an “average” certificate.”

Me: “…why are you doing this to me then? Why the long period of time?”

Principal: “Well, we already know that it was a success when it ended, but we were uncertain about how they would behave, or if they could have children as the gender they had turned into. That means waiting until those babies became adults and had gotten married. With the birth of your first child, and you showing no signs of male-like behaviour, I would say it was a success. As to why it was even done to begin with, let’s just say men can make a woman to become pregnant and he could do the same to another almost immediately, but a woman could only bear a child once at a time, hence the logical decision to have more women than men. Declining birth rates, and the population being made up of more men than women, stress with the working life, means less children are being born. Something needs to be done to increase the female population, even if it means leaving the male population making up only a quarter of the total. We can’t completely eliminate males should there be a situation where technology to have women to bear a child without men is inaccessible. More women means that more children can be made at the same time than if there were fewer. Women are smarter, more visually appealing, not likely to be involved in physical arguments, and be able to live longer when compared to men too. Even longer when they are not married. We acquired Mizuho Academy not long afterwards to see what it would be like to have a 100% female population and turning males into females to the extent that their bodies function as if they were naturally born one, on the request of the school’s founder. Except those who already found someone, we also make them fall in love with any single guy that they had been stared by. No technology can replicate humans right up to the flesh and blood, but we had been able to turn men into women capable of becoming pregnant. Some laws and social taboos are needed to be changed to make it work. You would find that absolutely nobody is complaining about it because they either liked it, actually thinking they had always been that way, or we made them mentally incapable of even being able to talk about it to people who didn’t know about it, even after they turned back. I don’t know if there are loopholes with the anti-rape feature of the Mizuho uniforms, but if its intentional or doesn’t work, they are able to become pregnant, including men who wore the uniform since they are biologically female while wearing it. If that happens, they can’t become a man again until they give birth to the child growing inside them. Should an abortion be performed, there’s a high chance they will permanently remain as a woman as punishment for killing a life. The only way around that is to become pregnant again and successfully give birth, if they are able to.”

At this point, I don’t know if I should get angry for meddling with people and me as a helpless baby, or say if the principal has a valid point. Being a woman myself, I would feel that this is outrageous, but from the point of ensuring that there are enough newborns to replace the dead, this does seem necessary. My uncle was behind this, but yet he wants me to take over the very company that did this to me as the director? Probably only because I’m the best candidate to take over him without asking someone outside the family. His daughter is the only other eligible candidate, but she’s not interested.

Me: “So does Saeko and Itsuki know…”

Principal: “Those two? They had already known about it since 2010, around the time Saeko asked you if you had remotely spoke into her head. However, they feared that you would kill yourself if they told you before your oldest child is in primary school. Your husband revealing himself to you in his actual work attire was the first step of revealing to you.”

Well, that’s kind of true in a sense that if wasn’t for my love towards my children and thinking of how my actions would affect them, who weren’t born when those two first knew about it, I might have killed myself for finding out I had been born a boy and making me live as a girl all my life as part of an experiment I didn’t know of. I had to think about my children, who might be sad if I’m gone. But being turned into a girl, me behaving and growing like one, and me being able to give birth to children that bears my genes… That’s as good as actually being born a girl since traditional gender reassignment procedure can’t achieve that. A major scientific breakthrough that is strangely not known to the general public. But still, why me? I knew I felt something wrong with my body as I grew up, especially as a teenager. Everyone said the way my body grew is normal for a girl and didn’t find anything abnormal with my body, except, I wasn’t originally born as a girl to begin with. My body has been completely feminized, with male-related things in my body completely replaced with the female counterparts, including reproduction organs, and work as if I had been naturally born with them. However, my mind has not been changed, though off-set by the fact that it happened within a year of my birth where I didn’t know anything and never had the chance to live as a boy. A clear example of a what-if situation where it happened at a latter stage in life is reflected on Saeko and my husband. Particularly the former as she couldn’t turn back, though her situation of how it happened is different.

Me: “So whose voice did Saeko hear back then if it wasn’t me?”

Principal: “Well, records in Saeko says that it’s actually your voice, but of the near future of our current time. In other words you will be talking to her of that time quite soon. Don’t worry, you will find yourself doing it naturally since we know it has happened from Saeko’s point of view.”

Me: “I’ve also been wondering… who is this Saeko that has been tagging along with me and my husband all of these years? I know she has explained herself, but I need an another opinion.”

Principal: “Just as in the records, the Saeko you know now is based on an another Saeko of the dimension you were sent to, who is, coincidentally, your husband’s other self over there. We found it odd that the Saeko you know now was able to exist here as an individual entity, bringing along what she has back there along, instead of being back as your current husband. As it turns out, the dimensional changer your husband was working on when he was 15 activated by itself, and brought everyone who worked for Hatsuya at that time, into the other dimension; a dimension that seems quite similar to ours in almost every aspect. Our body in our original dimension, while our minds are in other, are something like on auto-pilot or controlled by a lost soul in a way that people who we knew that were unaffected would not notice anything. Of course, that lost soul I mentioned would assume the memory and personality of the body it resides in, and not have any of those carried over from its previous life. Our bodies during that time would behave like us until we return back. Your husband of our dimension, and his counterpart in that dimension, who really was born a girl, co-existed together in the same body until his mind was forced out and transferred to a copy of the body of your husband of that dimension. So, by being in a body that doesn’t have a counterpart in our original dimension, a new existance was made and is unable to return back because the two are now seen as two different people, not as a different version of a person. In other words, your current husband is just Itsuki’s body with someone else controlling it, but Itsuki’s mind is now residing inside who you now call as Saeko. Due to having lived with her current body for longer than with the original, and the situation she faces regularly, Saeko faces stress levels far higher than the average person. She doesn’t seem like it because she can’t express anger, and Mizuho has “trained” her to be able to think clearly, while suppressing what her body strongly feels. She seems to have given up trying to live, but her being unable to die, even after having gone through situations where she should have had, is a contributing factor to her stress level.”

So Saeko is extremely stressed, but is unable to express it? No wonder she always seemed expressionless or sad, and never anger. The only time I see her happy is when she’s with my children, but even then, I’m not sure if she’s truly happy.

Disorientated Feelings (Part 38)

I’m running low on options of who to ask on getting to Mizuho: I could ask my husband, but he might tell Saeko, who isn’t supposed to know. Neither could I ask my family or other Hatsuya staff, who are sadly the only other group I know well… Oh wait. That store where I bought my Katsura High uniform might know where: they make uniforms of many kinds. The karaoke box just opposite it was also where I spent my last days as a middle school student with my friends from there, so I know where it is.

Me: “Excuse me. Do you have any uniforms for Mizuho Girls Academy?”

The store attendant looked though a list, thought for a while, and asked someone I couldn’t see inside the staff area.

Store attendant: “I’m sorry to say this, but we don’t sell any here. We did hear that you will automatically be wearing it the instant you step into their campus. Your status there will determine which version you would be wearing. We recommend you wear your the kind you would throw away since it would be transformed into the uniform and can’t be turned back for the first time, but subsequent visits would have the outfits be swapped if you weren’t wearing it.”

What? They don’t even sell it? This store has uniforms of all the schools and businesses in the prefecture except Mizuho?! Anyone with a diploma or a degree from there is treated with respect since it’s known for its students scoring nearly full marks with no failures in difficult tests, so I find it odd that they don’t even stock it.

Store attendant: “It’s that school’s policy to not have their uniforms be sold since they move to their current campus some decades ago. The official reason they gave is that they don’t want it to be abused. It used to be a co-ed school, though with more females than males. The female uniform from before it moved to the current campus has been the same since the school was established. The ones from the first 20 or so years looked the same as the previous one, but was different enough to only want to produce it themselves. The design after that, the current one, was a completely different design that you would think it belonged to an another school.”

The attendant also showed the pictures of the various uniforms, including a male uniform. Something’s odd. It’s more common for a girls’ or boys’ school to convert to a co-ed school, but going in the opposite direction is unheard of. I didn’t even know that Mizuho used to be co-ed.

Me: “Well, at least tell me where the academy is. Someone who works in here has invited me to go there.”

She gave me the directions to the school, which is in the hills outside the city where the headquarters of Saeko’s company is located. The entrance from the nearest train station is designed in such a way that you couldn’t tell if someone not in uniform is heading to the school or the nearby town. The difference of vegetation and style of the footpath is obvious with an unmarked straight line that must be followed. There is also no security fence visible at all It’s almost like a checkpoint entering another country.

Upon stepping in, I’ve found myself wearing a uniform so very different from everyone else in the campus. The colour scheme alone is very obviously different from everyone else. The badge on my uniform was that of Hatsuya instead of Mizuho for some reason. How on earth did my clothes change without me doing it?! Why does my uniform look so different from everyone here? Its even different from the ones Itsuki and Saeko wears.

So, since it’s a weekend, my former high school principal is staying at an apartment that is within walking distance of a station. This academy is really too big to walk that it needs to have a need of its own transport system as big as (or even bigger) than the city I just came from. I’m at a loss of how to describe the place besides speechless.

I had reached the door of the apartment I had been told to go to when he’s not working. I pressed the doorbell and waited. There seems to be someone inside.

Female voice: “Yes, I’m comming.”

Who’s voice is that? Am I at the wrong place? Is anyone else staying in it?

The door opened and the person who opened it was a young lady.

Lady; “Ah! Kotomi-chan! It’s been a while. I presume you had saw the messages by that were decrypted by that girl with the mind of who is now your husband?”

Me: “Huh? You? My high school principal? But…”

I clearly remember my school principal as a man old enough to be a grandfather, not a woman who is about 5 years younger than me. There was no hint in the voice or behavior that this young lady was even an old man.

Principal: “You didn’t notice the lack of males or old people while you were walking around the campus? Anyone who wears a Mizuho uniform will be turned into a woman of age ranging from 15 to 30, which itself would be automatically be worn upon stepping into the grounds. Didn’t your husband revealed it to you recently? Saeko has known me as I am now since her first year there as a student, around your final year of college.”

Neither Saeko or my husband told me about this.

Me: “I didn’t think that it would be this massive…”

I never though that it would be this wide-scale. So Mizuho is still technically co-ed and accept male students, but they have to wear the uniform that turns them into females. To add to the confusion, “girls'” was added to the official name. How on earth is such a thing not known to the outside? I’ve known of guys (besides Itsuki) who has went into Mizuho at the current campus, but none of them told me that they were turned into girls! At least I know they can be turned back.

Principal: “Before you think that I’m a pervert or something, I just want to make it clear that I’m wearing it only because it relieves the health problems I have as an old man, and forced to take a new identity because of a dead body whom everyone positively identifies as me, but I’m right here. It could be a fake or my future self for all I know. I’m starting to like my new female identity to live as one forever though. Enough about me or the Mizuho uniform. Let’s talk about why you are even meeting me. I could have arranged to meet outside, but there’s secrecy involved that others must not know.”

Me: “So what exactly am I here for?”

Principal: “Well, I have a video here that you might find interesting.”

[Author’s note: Some kind of glitch happened with my browser to load an older version in cache instead of from the server, so everything I had typed for hours outside the quotes had been gone. The version below is the retyped version, but not as detailed as the first draft.]

He showed me a video of a group of people whom I could positively identify as my mother, father, and uncle. All of them looked younger than I known them to be. They did something to the male baby to have the male thing between his legs be replaced with nothing but smooth skin with a slit as if it was never there. It looks a lot more like a female part now.

Principal: “Well, when your mother was in middle school year 3, which is around 14 or 15, she was made pregnant by a male classmate of hers. That male classmate being your father. The thing is that your mother’s brother wanted to do his experiments on the child, so he offered the couple assistance in exchange for doing experiments on your mother’s children. This happened at a time when your mother was at a loss on what to do with her unwanted pregnancy that was already at the advanced stages when she realizes it. It was because of this child that your mother had about a year delay between graduating from middle school and entering high school, which happened after the video you saw. The young couple didn’t know what to do, but it seems that the contract that you mom signed states that she must produce a total of 4 children that would stretch until the first male and female child from the experiment manages to successfully produce their offspring. This means that your mom and dad are stuck with each other, and the children not knowing they were a test subject themselves until they produced some of their own children, which means that it takes decades to see the end result.”

Me: “So who was that baby we just saw? He said a total of 6 children, but there are only 5 in the family.”

Part 37 | Part 39

>Disorientated Feelings (Part 38)

>I’m running low on options of who to ask on getting to Mizuho: I could ask my husband, but he might tell Saeko, who isn’t supposed to know. Neither could I ask my family or other Hatsuya staff, who are sadly the only other group I know well… Oh wait. That store where I bought my Katsura High uniform might know where: they make uniforms of many kinds. The karaoke box just opposite it was also where I spent my last days as a middle school student with my friends from there, so I know where it is.

Me: “Excuse me. Do you have any uniforms for Mizuho Girls Academy?”

The store attendant looked though a list, thought for a while, and asked someone I couldn’t see inside the staff area.

Store attendant: “I’m sorry to say this, but we don’t sell any here. We did hear that you will automatically be wearing it the instant you step into their campus. Your status there will determine which version you would be wearing. We recommend you wear your the kind you would throw away since it would be transformed into the uniform and can’t be turned back for the first time, but subsequent visits would have the outfits be swapped if you weren’t wearing it.”

What? They don’t even sell it? This store has uniforms of all the schools and businesses in the prefecture except Mizuho?! Anyone with a diploma or a degree from there is treated with respect since it’s known for its students scoring nearly full marks with no failures in difficult tests, so I find it odd that they don’t even stock it.

Store attendant: “It’s that school’s policy to not have their uniforms be sold since they move to their current campus some decades ago. The official reason they gave is that they don’t want it to be abused. It used to be a co-ed school, though with more females than males. The female uniform from before it moved to the current campus has been the same since the school was established. The ones from the first 20 or so years looked the same as the previous one, but was different enough to only want to produce it themselves. The design after that, the current one, was a completely different design that you would think it belonged to an another school.”

The attendant also showed the pictures of the various uniforms, including a male uniform. Something’s odd. It’s more common for a girls’ or boys’ school to convert to a co-ed school, but going in the opposite direction is unheard of. I didn’t even know that Mizuho used to be co-ed.

Me: “Well, at least tell me where the academy is. Someone who works in here has invited me to go there.”

She gave me the directions to the school, which is in the hills outside the city where the headquarters of Saeko’s company is located. The entrance from the nearest train station is designed in such a way that you couldn’t tell if someone not in uniform is heading to the school or the nearby town. The difference of vegetation and style of the footpath is obvious with an unmarked straight line that must be followed. There is also no security fence visible at all It’s almost like a checkpoint entering another country.

Upon stepping in, I’ve found myself wearing a uniform so very different from everyone else in the campus. The colour scheme alone is very obviously different from everyone else. The badge on my uniform was that of Hatsuya instead of Mizuho for some reason. How on earth did my clothes change without me doing it?! Why does my uniform look so different from everyone here? Its even different from the ones Itsuki and Saeko wears.

So, since it’s a weekend, my former high school principal is staying at an apartment that is within walking distance of a station. This academy is really too big to walk that it needs to have a need of its own transport system as big as (or even bigger) than the city I just came from. I’m at a loss of how to describe the place besides speechless.

I had reached the door of the apartment I had been told to go to when he’s not working. I pressed the doorbell and waited. There seems to be someone inside.

Female voice: “Yes, I’m comming.”

Who’s voice is that? Am I at the wrong place? Is anyone else staying in it?

The door opened and the person who opened it was a young lady.

Lady; “Ah! Kotomi-chan! It’s been a while. I presume you had saw the messages by that were decrypted by that girl with the mind of who is now your husband?”

Me: “Huh? You? My high school principal? But…”

I clearly remember my school principal as a man old enough to be a grandfather, not a woman who is about 5 years younger than me. There was no hint in the voice or behavior that this young lady was even an old man.

Principal: “You didn’t notice the lack of males or old people while you were walking around the campus? Anyone who wears a Mizuho uniform will be turned into a woman of age ranging from 15 to 30, which itself would be automatically be worn upon stepping into the grounds. Didn’t your husband revealed it to you recently? Saeko has known me as I am now since her first year there as a student, around your final year of college.”

Neither Saeko or my husband told me about this.

Me: “I didn’t think that it would be this massive…”

I never though that it would be this wide-scale. So Mizuho is still technically co-ed and accept male students, but they have to wear the uniform that turns them into females. To add to the confusion, “girls'” was added to the official name. How on earth is such a thing not known to the outside? I’ve known of guys (besides Itsuki) who has went into Mizuho at the current campus, but none of them told me that they were turned into girls! At least I know they can be turned back.

Principal: “Before you think that I’m a pervert or something, I just want to make it clear that I’m wearing it only because it relieves the health problems I have as an old man, and forced to take a new identity because of a dead body whom everyone positively identifies as me, but I’m right here. It could be a fake or my future self for all I know. I’m starting to like my new female identity to live as one forever though. Enough about me or the Mizuho uniform. Let’s talk about why you are even meeting me. I could have arranged to meet outside, but there’s secrecy involved that others must not know.”

Me: “So what exactly am I here for?”

Principal: “Well, I have a video here that you might find interesting.”

[Author’s note: Some kind of glitch happened with my browser to load an older version in cache instead of from the server, so everything I had typed for hours outside the quotes had been gone. The version below is the retyped version, but not as detailed as the first draft.]

He showed me a video of a group of people whom I could positively identify as my mother, father, and uncle. All of them looked younger than I known them to be. They did something to the male baby to have the male thing between his legs be replaced with nothing but smooth skin with a slit as if it was never there. It looks a lot more like a female part now.

Principal: “Well, when your mother was in middle school year 3, which is around 14 or 15, she was made pregnant by a male classmate of hers. That male classmate being your father. The thing is that your mother’s brother wanted to do his experiments on the child, so he offered the couple assistance in exchange for doing experiments on your mother’s children. This happened at a time when your mother was at a loss on what to do with her unwanted pregnancy that was already at the advanced stages when she realizes it. It was because of this child that your mother had about a year delay between graduating from middle school and entering high school, which happened after the video you saw. The young couple didn’t know what to do, but it seems that the contract that you mom signed states that she must produce a total of 4 children that would stretch until the first male and female child from the experiment manages to successfully produce their offspring. This means that your mom and dad are stuck with each other, and the children not knowing they were a test subject themselves until they produced some of their own children, which means that it takes decades to see the end result.”

Me: “So who was that baby we just saw? He said a total of 6 children, but there are only 5 in the family.”

Part 37 | Part 39

Disorientated Feelings (Part 37)

I saw two different versions of a file that has been indicated to me: the highest quality that this old computer could play without problems (very low quality by today’s standards), and the other in it’s original definition that this computer is not capable of playing, but computers that are, at earliest, 10 years old, that are even capable of playing it smoothly. Not really wanting to bother transferring the higher quality video out, I chose the lower quality video. The date created/modified on the file can’t be trusted. Some computers on which the year has not been set has years like 1970 or 2022, which is certainly not right, and if you create a file or save an edited one, that wrong year is reflected in it.

The video is not dated, but I could see era-specific things like mobile phone models and display screens. So, judging from those, it’s probably, at earliest, at the turn of the current century: Just as I thought it’s in a specific year, something newer than the year I though it’s in appears in view.

There’s a couple with what seems to be a newborn baby whom they both call Toshiko. The camera operator is not shown, but the voice sounded like that of a woman younger the one seen in the hospital bed. Honestly speaking, it looks like a random family video that an outsider would find uninteresting until I noticed something: the woman in the hospital bed has some resemblance to my old high school principal and she referred to someone in the direction of the camera as her dad. Is this video meant for him? But the younger female cameraman replied all the questions asked. As if a raw uncut footage where someone forgot to hit the pause button, the camera is pointed towards parts of one recording it, who is obviously a young woman in an office attire. I think she’s just giving a cue of what the said father would say. I didn’t see anything new until the video ended. Where’s the clue saying about where that old man is?! Oh wait, there’s a note I’m supposed to read after watching the video.

That video you watched is of my daughter and son-in-law with my granddaughter who has just been born back then. She’s about 14 by the time you’re reading this, which looks something like the image in the next file. Whether quality level of the video you had watched, you aren’t going to see anything new if you watched the other or look out for the small detail in the higher quality version that are blurred in the other. The uniform of the woman that is briefly seen having the camera pointed at herself in this video is a dead giveaway as to where I am now, but not so if you don’t know what that uniform is of. Some of the people you already know of might recognize it though. My daughter and her husband are busy with work, so they sent my granddaughter to where I work every time until she’s old enough, though Toshiko does visit me on her own from time to time.

That uniform is a clue to where he is now? It’s not even clear what I was looking at because it’s only promptly shown, there was no logo on it, and I don’t know who and how to ask about this. The image file mentioned is of the said granddaughter around the age mentioned she is of now, but this image looks strangely old. What’s even stranger is that there are only 3 identical candles on the cake, suggesting that she was only 3 when it was taken, but she looks several times older than that. Is this related?

Oh wait, what do the uniforms of Mizuho look like? I only know of the ones Itsuki and Saeko wear since I graduated from college, and the older conservative-like design. Let’s see…

What I saw made me at a loss of words: there are so many versions that I’m not sure, but it is grouped according to type like supervisor, student, worker, and visitor, with sub divisions for students of other schools and staff of companies outside Mizuho that has a branch inside forming the majority of the multiple versions. Except guests and summer student uniforms, the design for all versions seems formal, but is a huge makeover when compared to the older conservative-like design. What I thought my husband was wearing the office uniform actually turns out to be the supervisor ones, which reminds me of the staff who work in stores that specializes in selling high-class products or in a law firm.

I knew that is something odd about that principal saying about being a new self and living forever. Somehow, some of the technology used on Saeko has been applied to the Mizuho uniform, but where does the part about turning males into females right down to their DNA with just a piece of clothing come from? And, is the very company I’ve worked for since middle school behind it? If so, I don’t think I can ask anyone there about my past that the principal has been wanting to reveal to me, but how and where? I don’t even know if I’m being monitored remotely, or if someone else knows that I am wanting to know about my history.

My whole life has been differed from it’s original course before I even knew anything. Nobody knows what that original course was, I knew that there are things about me that others find normal that doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t think I’m supposed to be as smart as I was, because my body moved by itself that made me seem so right to the tiny detail that I thought I was actually doing it until I noticed that I’m not absorbing what I was studying, but could somehow answer them better than anyone else. I never wanted to fall in love with Itsuki or marry him, but my body is so attracted to him that it can make my mind go crazy if I don’t see him frequently. This makes me wanting to love someone else, or divorcing Itsuki, impossible. Having him around me is the only way to keep me mentally sane, as proven during my college days. It’s as if my body has a mind of its own separate from mine.

How do I go about contacting the principal? I don’t know how to explain this situation to Itsuki or Saeko while explaining. Are there any newer files that old man wanted to tell me?

I’ve had several random encounter with Saeko in Mizuho, but she seem to not recognize the name of Katsura High for some reason. If you want to meet me you can ask anyone, but you must absolutely not ask your parents or anyone who works for Hatsuya. The only exception to this are your husband and those under your supervision at the branch you work at and make sure Saeko doesn’t know about it, even through Itsuki, as people could watch what she encounters. In the video you saw earlier, I was behind the camera. Should you want to meet me, I would be at a garden near the schools during office hours, or my apartment at other times.

That wasn’t a really helpful hint, but at least I know who I shouldn’t ask. As for the said video, the camera operator is clearly a female because the camera was pointed towards her body with an obvious feminine voice. However, that woman there in the hospital bed kept talking to her dad in the direction of the camera, but heard a female voice as a reply. It suggests that it’s highly likely that the lady that’s briefly shown was my high school principal. I know it sounds strange, but it’s made with the same material as that for where my husband works.

I haven’t thought of the questions to ask or know how to get to Mizuho, so I won’t be meeting the principal right away.