Disorientated Feelings (Part 48)

The only school that is best suited for my son is Mizuho Academy: the school that seem to have some special magic to it. Saeko and my husband, who have both respectively studied and worked there for a number of years, claim that they have no role in it. It’s more of based on the situation, my son’s character and age, and so forth.

Sadly, there’s no other school that could accept both my son’s feminine behavior, and prevention of being picked on because of his young age and quite a number of people whom I don’t even know being able to recognize me on the streets because I hold a high-level position of Hatsuya, which many people are familiar with. Sending him to a normal school would mean that he could be an easy target to be bullied, or, worse, be kidnaped to force me as a highly ranked Hatsuya staff to do something undesirable. This would be a different story if my son could even defend himself.

I have 3 daughters and a son, but with this, it’s making my only son more towards the feminine side even more than he is now. It’s hard to imagine what my 7 year old son would look like as an adult.

Mizuho Girls’ Academy was founded a century ago as a co-ed high school, but there’s no official mention of them no longer accepting boys since it became a girls-only school when it moved to its current campus, or what happened to the boys of that school during the transitioning years. As it turns out, they still officially (albeit discreetly) accept boys, but they have to be turned into girls.

Despite Mizuho being known as one of the most difficult schools to enter due to their reputation for having a lot of successful women having graduated from there, on top of the school’s facilities. Ironically, the school’s entry requirements for boys are lower than an average school, which makes it seem like an option for dropouts. The catch? What I just said earlier, and complex things that only Saeko could explain. Well, with the male population becoming younger and feminized, an all girls’ school and a co-ed school doesn’t seem much of a difference in terms of the students you see walking through their school front gate.

Boys’ schools seem to be the last frontier where females are a minority, but is possibly a “dying breed” as fewer boys are being born. I have already heard of enough primary schools of villages being closed because there are too few children attending it. So, it’s possible that these schools for boys have to either be closed or start accepting female students. The latter option means effectively means going co-ed and loosing its status as a boys-only school.

To tell you the truth, being biologically young again after reaching a certain age means that you can’t die of old age because you can’t get old to begin with, though no one is certain that it would happen to them again as nobody who has already been transformed has reached that age yet. Also, I don’t like women for their behavior and visually distracting appearance, which is kind of ironic as I’m one myself. But what can I do about it? I never voluntarily wanted to be a woman, and neither could I change that. For every single month that I’m not pregnant since I turned 12, my body automatically discharges blood. This loss of blood makes me feel weak and dizzy, and experience mood swings that drives me crazy. I also don’t like to get pregnant because this would mean going through months of having a baby growing inside me and the suffering associated with I have to go through. Which is better? Experiencing going insane monthly, or keep producing children that I don’t want to take care of? Sadly, female bodies are designed to be able to reproduce babies, even if the woman herself doesn’t want to.

Mizuho students are quite distinguishable from others from a distance. They have beautiful looks, and a uniform that they look good in. Saeko had told me that there is something about that uniform that changes the wearer’s mind and body. The only noticeable external change on wearing it is that they all would have the same body measurements, and having a burst size that is large enough to no be able to hide the shape of it. Boys wearing that, particularly the one I mentioned earlier (5 paragraphs up), would also be biologically turned into girls and the changes for girls applying to them too until they take them off. However, taking it off by itself is only possible shortly after graduation or after already transferred to an other school. This means that they wear it 24/7 for 3 years, including weekends, and the boys would also adopt the female behavior, which I am primarily afraid of for my son. This is a very dark secret of Mizuho Girl’s academy, and the people who knows about it aren’t mentally be able to talk about it except to those who already knew.

Disorientated Feelings (Part 47)

Author’s note: This chronologically happens after “Alternate Dimension (Part 84)

Ever since I found out what the genders of my first two children were, I could finally be able to see their faces and hear their voices. My first child, whom I’ve always thought was a boy, is a girl. Likewise, I thought my second child was a girl, but is actually a boy. Previously, they seemed like a fuzzy presence with a fused aura of me and Itsuki before, and I couldn’t hear their voices, but somehow understood what they were saying that seemed like they were talking to my mind.

Sadly, I have now only just realized the damage that I had done from treating those two children as the gender opposite of what they really are: my daughter (first child) seemed aloof and morose towards me. The things I gave her that she didn’t like were given away to someone else after accepting it from me. No wonder Saeko asked me to stop buying gender-specific things for her, because I always gave her stuff for boys.

However, even more damaging is to my son (second child), who openly dresses like a girl with the female things I gave him, including his school uniform, from the time when I still thought that he’s a girl. No one in the family corrected this behavior: all of my other children are girls, my husband crossdresses most of the time, and Saeko has some physical restrictions that prevented her from being able to fix it even though she knows what to do. At the age he is now, nobody, not even me, could change this behavior. I could have been able to fix this problem if only I knew about it before it was too late to change it. An example would be like preventing my kids from inheriting my “abnormal” genes by not even getting pregnant, except that I didn’t even know I had such a thing until I already had four children. No thanks to Hatsuya, my uncle especially, for that part. The irony…

So, you might be wondering why nobody questions about my son’s behavior? Well, due to some phenomenon the males are now “like weaklings”, and anyone (both men and women) who could had corrected this had been turned into teenage girls that don’t remember much from their former selves. The school my son attends has rules on how the male and female uniforms should be worn, but it’s written in a way that anyone of any gender could wear either one: This means that nobody at his school is stopping him from wearing the female uniform as, according to the school rules, it is allowed. What’s even stranger? He’s not the only one doing this. Hard to say how many as some of them really look like girls.

Sometimes, I question about the level of my own sanity.

*****

Ever since the parent-teacher meeting with my first child in primary school, we found out that she inherited all of my memories to the point that she already knows a lot of what is taught in primary school, as evident from her scoring full marks. To see what level is suitable for her, she took exams for various grades and schools in increasing difficulty. Of course, looking at the amount of tests this would mean, this has to be narrowed down.

From the results of the tests she has taken, she is capable of skipping straight to college, but she chose to skip to grade 5 instead: she has a tough time choosing between skipping through grades, but be too young to enter the workforce (be only at the age of 10 on graduating from college if entered right after grade 1), and making friends. It’s hard to make friends when the age gap when everyone around you is a lot older, and it’s harder to make friends with an adult without them backstabbing you at some point unless you befriended them before college-level.

My son, too, inherits my memories, though a bit more than his older sister. However, his behavior (which I’ve talked about earlier) means that he’s very scared when people talk to him specifically or do anything that involves interacting with people, including paying at the cashier. That means he doesn’t really have any close friends. Somewhat following his older sister’s footsteps, he also wants to skip primary school too. Without friends that would hinder his progress, he could actually skip to grades that are ahead of his sister. However, he doesn’t know which school to go to that would suit him, and he seems self-aware about his own timid behavior. The only school I know from home that is suitable for him is…

No, it can’t be what I think it is, right?

Disorientated Feelings (Part 46)

[Author’s note: the first child is a girl, but the mother (protagonist) thinks she’s a boy. The opposite is true for the second child.]

Itsuki and I considered the options available for the future of our first child. No, cost isn’t a problem as the both of us have well-paying jobs. What we are more concerned is the outcome of the child’s future if we decide on the option, which is mostly in the unknown. I want the child to be normal, but neither do I want to restrict what my son’s potential. I see that he’s not studying, but yet, score full marks, so if he studies, he could be learning that older people would usually learn. This indirectly means that he could have a college degree at a young age, or maybe higher.

However, him being a smart kid and having me as a parent who hold a high job position means that he could be popular, but also means harder for him to find a friend. I want him to be normal, but I’m not exactly normal myself, biologically, but that’s not my choice. Unlike other (normal) families like mine, I won’t pressure him to study to have a job like mine. I wouldn’t mind if if he picks up a career in driving trains, but I do have to admit that his potential would be wasted if that happens considering that he’s academically smarter than peers of his age.

Whatever the choice may be, it’s likely to set a path for my daughters, but if two of them are also as smart as like their brother, the remaining child would be vulnerable to being bullied… I don’t know if that would happen, but as their parent it is my concern. If he really has my memories, him attending school is like me attending at least 15 years worth of attending school again, which I certainly wouldn’t be happy if I am taught the same thing again.

To confirm that my child has my memories, and to what degree, I would have to ask him things that I remember that I never mentioned to anyone, including Saeko and Itsuki.

Me: “Er… Sorry for asking this out of the blue, but what do you know about your father around the time I first met him.”

1st child: “Well, the first time you saw him was during lunch break right after golden week as he was looking into your classroom. Dad heard about you from his classmates for being a smart and beautiful girl. Of course, back then, you simply saw him as one of the many boys who admired you, and never paid attention to him until he crashed into you while struggling to carry your classmate’s exercise books to the staff room. Mentally, you were still not interested in him, but your body reacted as though he’s your man for the rest of your life, which seems to still be true today. Dad didn’t mind because, to him, the most popular girl in school has thrown herself at him, who, unlike other boys, never competed for your attention.”

I don’t think I can remember seeing someone I know BEFORE knowing them for the first time, but it does seem that he has me and Itsuki’s memories and cross-referenced then to come up with that answer. I feel creeped out at how detailed he described it as if he was me. I really wasn’t interested in Itsuki, but him bumping into me triggered something in my body that forces me to love him forever.

Me: “Okay… what other memories of me do you have from before you were born?”

1st child: “You went with 5 of your college friends to New York from California by car. One of the cars had a flat tire along the way. Another memory is you meeting grandfather after a failed interview right after collecting your high school uniform. The latest memory I have before I was born is you finding out how the previous bosses, of where you work now, treated them. There’s more.”

…Huh?! Although this did happened, I never mentioned any of these to anyone else. He could hear from other people, but how does he know about the car I was in having a flat tire that happened along a deserted road America?! Even Itsuki and Saeko doesn’t know the details of that trip other than being a graduation trip, and I only showed them photos when I was at New York City. That last memory he mentioned was not long before I became pregnant with him. Now I’m freaked out.

It became clear from my little test that that this child is too smart for a normal school as he inherited all the knowledge I have at the time of giving birth to him. No wonder he’s strangely well mannered for an infant as, to him who has my memories, may be thinking that he was me and suddenly finds himself in the body of an infant born from who he though he always has been. I am worried that he could be more of a likely target among certain people because of what he is, or my job position.

1st child: “Mum, why are you asking me these questions? Don’t you know them yourself?”

The question here is how do you know something that I never told anyone else about.

Me: “Well, after the parent-teacher meeting, I have been thinking about your teacher’s advice of skipping grades, or transfer you to an another school for smart children such as yourself, but I don’t know if you are fine with that, especially being separated from your friends. Although, the schools in question are close enough to not have the need to move house. It doesn’t have to be soon: we can do it from the following school year.”

He seemed to be staring blankly at me for a moment after I talked. It has been a while since I had a one-on-one conversation with him. Also, he and my other children grew up in this house.

1st child: “Well… Maybe I’ll think about it first. Although, I do find the things taught in school is something I already know and are too easy. I don’t know what grade my knowledge level is equal to, so is there some kind of an exam or something to measure it? As for friends, I do have some, but not really close enough to go out together.”

I was surprised at how he said that: he spoke with vocabulary that only middle school students or older would usually be able to use naturally.

Me: “I will search for past exam papers for fourth grade and higher and see if you can do it. Maybe high school and college papers if necessary. I suspect that you might have inherited my memories, as I never told anyone about that flat tire while I was traveling in America, but you described that in detail.”

1st child: “Huh? Didn’t you show me a video of it before? It seems so clear and detailed from your point of view.”

That can’t be right.

Me: “Um, I did not record any of the events you mentioned.”

1st child: “Huh? You didn’t? Then what was I… Wait, I have your memories?! How is this possible? But I don’t know anything about what you do after I was born.”

I would like to say something like “Hatsuya modified me in a way that also affects the children I give birth to“, but I guess it’s better not to say that. After all, it’s not like I even know of such things until long after I have given birth to two children. It’s like they wanted the work invested in me to be passed to my children, but doesn’t want ME, the subject in question, to know about it until it has already happened as they believe that I won’t produce children and/or kill myself if I did.

Since they are already born and almost grown up, parent-child bonding, the society, and the law, wouldn’t let me kill my children, and they really took advantage of “what will happen to my children when I die” situation that would also prevent me from committing suicide. Especially the parent-child bonding part.

Me: “I don’t know why myself. I guess its because you are my child after all and inherited things from me. My wild guess is that your mental age could be the same as me. Anything else?”

1st child: “Yeah, thanks for talking to me and the thought of not wanting me being separated from my friends. Well, since you said I could skip grades, maybe I would try that first before transferring schools. If primary school is too easy for me, are there other schools for me?”

Me: “I don’t know for sure, but I have heard of a 10-year old attending universities.”

I’m reluctant to say that as I want to see my children in high school as teenagers.

1st child: “Okay, thanks mum. Oh, and one more thing: Saeko told me about the curse preventing you from knowing what gender I am. You are seeing me and ***** (name of 2nd child) as nothing more than a ghostly presence that feels like you and dad combined that is hard for you to look and hear, which is worsening as we get older as our bodies develop what Saeko calls “gender differences” and the differences would become greater.”

Saeko, what on earth have you been teaching my children with? Well, that is partly my fault for dumping my responsibility of raising my children to her.

Me: “Did she say anything about solving it?”

1st child: “Something about it being effective if I’m not mentally prepared for it. She didn’t go into detail about that other than you having to talk to her. Although, it does answer my frustration of why you are treating me like a ***** and giving ***** clothes for *****. I guess it doesn’t matter now as males are mysteriously becoming young females rapidly. Just look at what happened to our grandfathers and great-grandparents.”

My dad has been turned into a teenage girl recently as he is above 40, but mum remain unchanged as the age that would happen to females is 80. Since dad is female now, he would become a young girl again when he turns 80 (120 if you count from the year he was born) years old. That means nobody dies of old age as no one could become old to begin with. More girls means more children could be produced, but with declining number of males necessary to make females pregnant, that it’s harder for that to be possible. Although, the time it takes for a male to generate “the fertilizer” is just a few hours, compared to a woman’s pregnancy time of almost the whole wear. The technology already exists for females to have children without males should they have difficulty, but the child resulting from this method is always female as the genes necessary to produce males are completely absent.

Being a scientist, and as a female myself, it’s kind of sad to see more and more females on the street at the cost of fewer and fewer men. Also, what’s so great about the female gender? Actually, it’s the default gender for us humans when we were simply eggs in the mother’s womb. Males are somewhat like a mutated version of the female human that is crafted to meet the needs of the female counterpart, including having increased toughness and strength for defending the females, and body size so that girls could hold on to them. That largely explains why males have nipples, and they can still feel arousal if you touch the area of skin were, on females, is where pee comes out from.

Females are “pure” humans (eg. not be turned into males), they naturally have longer lifespan. Rapidly changing emotions is an another annoying feature that I’m aware of, but can’t stop it. If I’m wearing a skirt, and if the toilets have washlets in it, I don’t even need to touch my private parts during my entire time in the toilet. A woman can get aroused easily from being touched as their skin is more sensitive than males. I don’t want to get aroused unnecessarily by my own hand every time I use the toilet. If all this happens to my body, imagine everyone else experiencing the same thing, and the shock from males who had been turned into females that are not used to the body.

Part 45 | Part 47

Disorientated Feelings (Part 45)

(Author’s note: Mentioned in “Alternate Dimension Part 82” are 4 children in the family. Only the second eldest child is a boy, while the rest are girls. This part is describing the eldest daughter, 1st child, about how good she is that she could do exams that are above her current grade quite well. From the mother’s point of view of course.)

Me: “My what?”

Seems that my own ears is preventing me from hearing a particular word of what the teacher said. It only happens when a gender-specific term about my first two children, whose gender even I don’t know, is being talked about or shown. Don’t know why myself, and neither can I do anything about it. I can’t ask someone to help cure something only me in the whole world experiences and there isn’t any medical evidence that proves that I’m suffering from it except suggestions that I may be mentally unstable, which I’m not. It’s a mystery as to what caused it, as I could see my two youngest daughters perfectly normal at the same time. Although the reason why I could see them is because my husband gave birth to them, not me.

I’m now speaking to one of the primary school teachers of my first child now with Itsuki for a parent-teacher meeting. The child in question is supposedly here with me. Saeko and the others are not with us.

Teacher: “Your-“

The audio seemed to have been cut off temporarily as the teacher seem to be continuing on talking. Itsuki kept pointing to an empty chair near nearby while looking at me. I seem to have difficulty looking at for some reason. It’s as if there is like a spirit over there, but the aura being that of my child. I know I sounded like I was talking about a ghost, but that’s the only way I could sense their presence. I feel bad for ignoring them, but I really can’t see them as my body doesn’t want my mind to know their gender, which, at their current ages, the gender differences is becoming bigger.

Teacher: “It would be great if your… (silence) …attends a specialised school or skip some grades. If some time later that your child proves that they are better than the grade the child would have skipped to, your child could enter middle school already despite the child’s age. For social reasons, I would usually say not to do this, but your (silence) seems to have the ability to study at higher levels and might not get along well with people who aren’t at the same knowledge level as your child.”

In my mind, I have always been thinking that the first child is a boy and, the second, a girl. Whether someone has been trying to correct me on this, I could simply be unaware of it as my body doesn’t want me to know about it.

Me: “Well, it’s better to be adored by older people of the same level than being bullied by people of the same age for being too smart. I don’t know… It seems like a big decision to make.”

This is a clear sign that my child has inherited knowledge from me. I knew something was odd when the child was oddly well behaved as an infant and, according to Saeko, they never ever cried for me or my husband when we are away for a long time.

When Hatsuya modified my body as a baby, were they aware that they were modifying the behaviour of my future children too? I think so: they can’t change the way I think, but, being a female, they can modify my reproductive organs in a way that the children I produce would think the way they wanted. I don’t know if the two daughters my husband gave birth to has the same thing.

I just want to have a normal life without all of this abnormalities, but my life has been abnormal since Hatsuya turned me into a girl from a boy, which wouldn’t have happened if my mother didn’t give birth to me during her high school days.

Actually, I don’t know if I’m happier to be living as a girl as I didn’t know I was born a boy until after my first child was born. Nothing except the alternating patterns of my sibling’s genders, and my body doing things on its own when I don’t know what to do at times, gave me any hint. I thought that last one was normal since it has been happening for as long I could remember, but now I know that my body is being controlled out of my own will. Ever since Hatsuya became aware that I knew about it, they stopped doing it. I don’t know how different my life could have been.

Speaking of my family having more females than males, here’s something potentially worrying: compared with last year, this year’s census showed that the population of males has decreased and, at the same time, the population of females has increased to making up to slightly more than half. You would simply think that more girls are being born by just hearing that, but if you look closely at the figures, you would notice that the amount of the sudden increase of the number of females between 12 and 25 is exactly the same as the number of the sudden decrease of males above 40 and women above 80. Being an ageing population where there are more old people than the young, this change is quite noticeable. No changes in population figures were reported outside the affected age groups. The people in the affected age group, but remained unchanged, are mostly married couples living together and have children.

In other words, elderly people and middle-aged men were replaced by teenage girls over the past year. Nobody was able to explain the sudden change of population. The government suspected that the affected people became teenage girls, but there’s a huge problem: while interviewing the first school they know that had a large jump of non first year female students, none of the girls could remember of ever being a middle-aged man or an elderly woman last year, and in fact had strong evidence that they are girls long before the dramatic population change. After going to various places that have these people, they all seemed to have the same thing being repeated, and eventually gave up. Nobody knew who were the people that suddenly vanished, nobody knew why this is happening, and even the teenagers themselves don’t even know who appeared out of the blue, or even know if they themselves were one of them. Obviously, the numbers don’t match, but it is impossible to find out who exactly. I asked Saeko on her opinion about this.

Saeko: “You’re right. The number of aged people had disappeared suddenly, which seems to have been replaced by young ladies. Everyone is able to remember that there were more men than women, but for these old people who had became a young women with no memories of who they previously were, complete with evidence that they had always been a girl, is interesting. Separating them from those who were actually girls before it happened is impossible. Somebody turned them into young girls, brainwashes them into thinking that they had always been that way, along with anyone and anything into making it look like they were actually born one and be a daughter of somebody. If that were to happen to me, I would actually be thinking that I am someone else and be scared if someone were to suddenly said that I was an old man just yesterday as I have no memories of being an old man and the only memories I have are ( seemingly real) memories of growing up as a girl since birth. Of course the groups of people I know could be completely different from before, and their memories are modified too to keep in sync with the changes to me so that I don’t notice anything odd with myself. They are so heavily physically modified and mentally brainwashed, with nothing left of their former selves, that it’s impossible to turn them back. Even if we have a clear idea of who or what to turn them back to, they wouldn’t be willing to because we are turning them into someone different and older from what they think they always had been. Also on our end, we don’t have any technology that could change a person’s age or gender except turning people of any age and gender into young girls, which is kind of useless as they are already young girls. Even that machine can’t change a person’s memory or how they think.”
 
Saeko thought quite hard for a while on what to say next. The sudden increase of teenage girls means that places that had empty seats and empty classrooms were suddenly full, along with more young women, who also appeared out of nowhere, to meet the changes. An example is the increase of young female teachers in that period. Some boys appear to have been mixed around so that you can’t tell which were the girls that suddenly appeared, though this also means that the number of girls in each class is now more than the number of boys as there was no change of the number of boys. Existing girls from before the mysterious population imbalance? Well, they are likely to have remain unchanged like the teenage boys, except that you can’t tell the difference with them and the girls those who appeared suddenly.

Saeko: “I suspect that a lot of things were changed, not just the people. This is so that they would fit in perfectly. So perfect that I have no idea who they were or if our own family has one of these people like other families. Even the people affected don’t even know they were one themselves. I’m afraid that even I don’t know how or why it happened, or who is behind it, or if it would happen again. At this point, I don’t know how to turn them back at such massive scale. Since they think they are someone else now, having them to turn back even if we found out who they were is like forcing them against their will and we can’t revert the changes that were made to this world that had them to be able to blend in as it’s quite complex to figure out with possibilities that may contain missing elements. I would need to check with the time viewer, but in situations like this, it’s possible that the past has also been changed, though that theory conflicts with how the government still has the old population data. People were also aware that there were more men than women last year, with noticeable amount of the elderly population.”

Saeko appeared to have some idea, but didn’t say anything. Probably not wanting to make acquisitions without the evidence. If you ask me, I’m aware of something similar by Hatsuya Research and Mizuho Academy, but not on a massive scale as this, not leaving exceptions behind, have the change go unnoticed until someone conducts a census, and ensuring that the world doesn’t go into a chaos at the same time. One person is complex enough, but fixing everyone is an impossible task, especially when there are so many unknowns. Except for boys’ schools, schools that had been established for less than a year or two suddenly had second and third years making up of only females. In co-ed schools, now having its student population to have more females than males, more classrooms were created if they had the space for it, and boys were shuffled around in a way that each class has the same number of boys. That meant that you are likely to see more girls than boys as the amount of boys per class is now only about 22%, compared to 66% before.

Well, the decline of the male gender isn’t really that worrying as males can make multiple women pregnant at the same time to make up for it. The only worry is if the opposite were to happen as it would put too much pressure on the woman as they, which would be the minority, are the only ones who could create a child. If the male gender were to have disappeared, and the human race being made up of only females, this could be a big question mark as everyone can create their own child, but have nothing to start the process.

For these two extremes, Hatsuya had developed ways to solve this: turning men into women capable of becoming pregnant, and woman being able to become pregnant without involving males with stem cells form anyone, including themselves. I though the people behind it were crazy at first as they had used me as their first human subject, but it now seems to become something that helps prevents the extinction of the human race. The problem is that they are unable to change how a person thinks, can’t successfully turn females into males, and the chances of a child being born a male via the stem cell method would be 0%.

Disorientated Feelings (Part 44)

To confirm that I don’t need to see my husband to keep my sanity, which has not happened recently, they isolated me away from them. I could bring anything I wanted in that time except images of him, including those on electronic devices. To further remove the possibility of seeing my children and Saeko being also counted as seeing my husband due to them also having looking somewhat like him, their photos too. Since there’s a chance that my children would visit my parent’s place, I can’t live there too. I have nothing but my memories to remember what they look like.

At the same time, Hatsuya Research has modified Saeko’s breasts into providing breast milk with exactly the same properties as Yuko’s so that the newborn baby could still be breastfed by Saeko should my husband want to turn back into a man. My husband gave the reason for turning back as “it’s more fun to keep being transformed into a woman than staying as a woman”. It wasn’t long ago that my husband used to hate it, but I guess having to go through it as frequent as like doing daily chores like brushing your teeth makes you love it. Well, you have to in order to be positive at work. He has been hoping to get posted out of Mizuho, but being informally the person in charge there (form being the only one who is assigned to wear a supervisor uniform while colleagues wear normal ones, that doesn’t seem likely.

Sure women are attractive things, but being one myself means that I have to worry a lot about my appearance and helplessly give in to actions from men. It’s like society has made females the passive gender as they are simply mostly on the receiving end: receiving flowers, engagement, being attracted by, and so on.

From a man’s perspective, seeing a beautiful woman doing things (even normal ones) would make them lost in thought and gets attracted to her. The problem with this? I’m the woman in question, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I always get stares from ugly men because my own body is attracting their attention without me intentionally doing it on my part. My breast gets stared at more than the rest of my body by men, even more than my face. The sad part is that I can’t hide the shape of it or make it flat, no matter what I wear over it. If I’m wearing a skirt, my legs are the next part of me they would look at. It’s like these parts of me attract men more than my own face. Come to think of it, because girls don’t grow much in body height, voice hardly changes since childhood unlike men, and the playful-like behaviour, women appear to be like children who never grew up.

Blouses are the only type of clothes I could perfectly fit in as it takes the shape of the breast into consideration and fit nicely with my body, especially the parts of my body below the breast. I guess, in terms of what one could always feel from their body, which indirectly affects thoughts and behaviour, being a girl is better than a guy, and would like looking at oneself a lot. Despite me saying how male-like my mind is, I can’t seem to bring myself to wear any male clothes at all. When I wear a skirt, it feels like I’m not wearing anything around there even though I appear to be wearing it. It’s like shorts, but somebody got lazy with the area between the two legs, and it’s somewhat magical in a sense that it doesn’t come off even when pulled down as my hips act as a natural hook that prevents that from happening.

Did I say that I don’t like looking at myself despite people saying how beautiful I am? That’s because I have a guy’s mind, and for a guy to see a girl as themselves is hard to believe.

I don’t mind inviting people to my house, but it would be embarrassing if they find out that I don’t cook or do household chores. I’m a pretty bad example of a mother to my children, but I don’t care about that as Saeko takes care of the house and my children. To save the trouble of explaining to others what she is, I just said that she’s my husband’s sister. Although, with her physical age stuck at around 16, it’s getting harder to convince them with that reason. I don’t know how to explain when the time comes where my children appear to be about the same age as her. Saeko’s actual age is supposed to be the same as my husband.

Speaking of my children, my children, scarily enough, never gave me problems that other people commonly have with theirs, and even as infants, they are oddly well behaved even though I never actually taught them anything. I’m a bad example of a mother, but I don’t like children either. I only had them only because my body made them who, sadly, would be replacing me when I die. Actually, I wanted only a child, but because I was the very first person resulting from one of Hatsuya’s “experiments” (I didn’t know about it until later on) to have successfully given birth to a child, they want me to have another to see if my body is able to have another. Before I knew it, I was producing children for experiment, though currently not as much as the number of siblings I have. My children reaching the age of adolescence seemed shorter than me reaching the same years ago, even though the time for a moment to pass now and then never changed.

I don’t want to admit it, but I have a feeling that at the same time my body has been modified, it also caused any of the children I would have to not cause me trouble and inherit my knowledge (which itself was forced into my poor mind, but probably natural to them) among other things. I’m afraid that it could spread to my grandchildren too, and so on. Eventually, after centuries, a lot of people would have genes that would be traced back to me and their unnatural behavior of being well-mannered and smart without even being taught anything as if inherited. It’s almost as if they are clones of their parents, but lack experience to know what to do with the inherited knowledge, though they might also know what to do with it. Of course, they each have their own personalities.

The teachers of my first two children, one in primary school and the other in kindergarten, had told me that they have the behaviour and knowledge of someone older. No actual test was done to investigate what they actually know, but the teachers noted that they completed exams quickly and scored full marks on top of that, which says a lot on how easy the test is to them. What’s even more shocking is that they knew about things from before they are born described from my point of view, including how I first met their father.

Neither me nor Itsuki had told them about it. How do they know? Are they copies of me?

Part 43 | Part 45

Disoriented Feelings (Part 43)

It has been about a year since I had injected the solution made from some bits of me. Sure enough, my husband did become pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby girl with no abnormalities. Since the presence of anything genetically male during the child’s development being completely absent, it’s not possible for the child to be a boy at all.

This is my first child I could see with my own eyes: the children I gave birth too seemed to have gender-specific things appear censored to me for some odd reason, so I don’t know if I have any sons. Now, I could actually know the name of the newborn child. Yuko (name of my husband in his female form) could see this child too. It would be a strange scene of two women having a child that resembles the both of them with no adult males involved. In this case, the mother of the child is the one who gave birth to it, which is my husband. It’s can get confusing because the husband and wife (me) are each both a mother and father at the same time, but seemingly normal if you put it in terms of the more general parent and child.

During the child’s development, Yuko seemed sad that she became pregnant, but appeared to have been expecting it to happen for quite a while. Yuko seem to have known she could become pregnant any time as the Mizuho uniform made her completely female and only has the uniform that would protect her from being raped, but the uniform itself keeps making the wearer strongly aroused on a regular basis on top of having to behave as if there’s nothing wrong, though you could tell from their body behaviour that appears as if needing the toilet urgently, but having no intention to go there (If this happened within Mizuho campus, it would be more obvious). It would appear strange if Mizuho girls talk to each other when this happens to all of them at the same time, but yet make no mention of it at all despite being so obvious.

Yuko: “Okay, you forced me to become pregnant, and made me give birth to this child. You said that this pregnancy would be cancelled if I turned back into a guy during that stage, but I remained a pregnant woman even after removing the uniform that time. Now that I already suffered through all the crazy things to give birth to this child, can I turn back to be a man again?”

She appeared unsure if she wanted to be turned back into a man: she has lived long enough as a woman to get used to it, but has conflicting thoughts of which is better. Yuko said that there are no real differences between the two, apart from feminine feelings being more sensitive in both senses and emotionally. Not having dated anyone besides my current husband before being married, I never used my femininity to attract anyone as I simply fell in love with the very first guy that fell on top of me back in high school and couldn’t stop thinking of him to the point I went crazy if I stopped seeing him.

Kenji: “To be honest, I really don’t know as there aren’t much people in the same situation as you, and among that few, all had decided to permanently remain a woman. It could happen only after your breasts stops producing milk for this baby you just gave birth to before your body reverts back to the pre-pregnancy state, which could take a few years. However, since the baby is born from you, only your breast milk contains the right amount of nutrients the newborn needs to grow up properly that commercial products, or other mother’s breast milk can’t provide. This includes your wife, as her body didn’t develop that child.”

Yuko seemed a bit surprised on the idea that her own breasts could generate something that could be drunk. Yes, that’s what the female breasts are for. Other than that, it’s nothing more than weights that can’t come off: I can die if something wrong were to happen to them, though, it never actually bothered me most of the time.

Kenji: “Oh, since you have spent more time as a woman than as a man since you started working at Mizuho, which itself is more than a decade ago now I believe, along with your children used to seeing you as one too, I think it doesn’t matter at this point in your life if you could ever become a man again, as I observed that your wife’s illness of needing to see you as a male to keep her sanity is mostly gone, and doesn’t seem to treat you any different now than as a man, apart from a minor natural feeling of jealousy of you being prettier than her. She seems to be able to see the girl you gave birth to, though she still can’t see the ones born from her. On top of that, she doesn’t seem to go crazy from not seeing you as your male self since the first child was born.”

I have this feeling that me and my family could be experimental subject of the second phase of his project, if there is one.

Disoriented Feelings (Part 42)

Quite some amount of time has passed since I found out about the big secret about me that even I didn’t know about. My relationship with my children hasn’t really changed since then, but the atmosphere with Itsuki does. I don’t know if we are a married couple, or a group of friends hanging out together. I’m confused, especially when the family appears to be made up of three women, some children, but no men. Dig further and you would find out that those three women were previously men, but the children did come from one of them.

Since then, I see gender differences as nothing more than the role played in making an offspring. Nothing more. Studying science since young, I know about this, but I never thought that it applies to me too, though it does help to be knowledgeable about my feelings and not let it take over me. I don’t like wearing gender-specific clothes, but being a woman, the shape of my bust is permanently visible no matter what I wear. I don’t like it, but my life would be in danger if something wrong happens to these annoying things. Also, I may have longer life expectancy than men, but I could die if something wrong happens during childbirth. Having experienced those a few times, I could say that it’s insanely painful. It seem like a sad fate by mother nature that females are designed to give birth to their offspring, and can’t do anything about it on her own if  a male makes her pregnant.

I was at my workplace when the receptionist told me that somebody from headquarters wanted to see me personally at one of the rooms that I know are vacant with nobody likely to visit it at this time. She didn’t say who it was other than them having a position higher than me. Who could it be? What did I do?

…It was my uncle of all people.

Me: “What are you doing here? You know that the people who worked here are happy with me more than the previous people.”

Kenji: “Ah, no it’s not about that at all. Well, I noticed that you have entered Mizuho Academy and, based on your behaviour since then, you have found out that you were born a boy. I know, I know, you are confused. Well, I can assure you that you have been biologically completely female since after your gender was changed at that event years ago that your husband might have described to you about, and gave birth to children but…”

Me: “Can you get to your point?”

Kenji: “You have been aware that your husband wears this particular uniform that turns him into a woman, right? Well, you can’t see the children born from you, right?”

How is my husband becoming a woman, and me not able to see my children related?

Kenji: “Well, I am suggesting to you to have another child by making Itsuki pregnant while in his female form. We don’t know if he would permanently become female, having the pregnancy being cancelled if he removes the uniform, or still remain pregnant even after turning back into male. For the second possibility, we don’t know if it would resume if he puts it back on.”

Huh? Me making Itsuki pregnant?

Kenji: “The urgency is because of the population decline from lack of births. Studies shows that by having the population to be two-thirds female or more, instead of the current of less than half, is the solution to this. Men can make a woman pregnant and easily move on to another almost instantly, but a woman could only become pregnant for eight months at a time, just for one child. We have no control over this duration. This explains the need to have more women than men, so more children could be made at the same time. At the current situation, we need to change laws, and turn about half of the male population into females. Priority would be given to the males who don’t mind becoming female, the inter-sexed, and people who had already gone through gender reassignment surgery. Because the method used, it can change the body completely. So the disabled, those suffering from health problems, the elderly who “want to become young again”, and those who want to “restart their life” can be included should there not be enough too. The amazing part of this is that people with disabilities like amputated limbs would find it growing back. We are also checking that, should the male population somehow become extinct, that women could still have a child using stem cells. The drawback to this is that since all traces of being male are erased, they could never become a male again, though they can produce a male child. However, “

Sometimes I wonder if he has a fetish of turning men into women or treats woman like a baby-making machine, but it’s true that the population is declining, and there are currently more men than women. Also, the child born from my husband would be confused that Itsuki is the mother, but its siblings would say that I’m their mother instead. Me being the mother of these children, and father of the other, and the opposite for my husband, with the only similarity that they are both our children and have both of our genes.

Me: “Er, how do you expect me to be able to do that? I’m a woman myself… and you just said that people like me can’t become a man.”

Kenji: “Well, we just need both the blood during your period, and that sticky substance your body releases only when your arousal level is quite high. We would turn it into something that can make your husband pregnant.”

I kind of know what he’s talking about.

Me: “Does my husband know about this?”

Kenji: “About making him bare a child? No. It’s fun to see people’s reaction when forced to do something.”

I could foresee a lot of confusion taking place.

Part 41 | Part 43